The female banker is an odd yet intriguing creature. She works 80-100 hour weeks, perpetually talks likes she’s job interviewing, and is obsessed with fashion magazines and teeny-bopper television shows. But, despite her eye-gouge-inducing personality and conformist tastes, she has many attractive qualities. She is rich, usually quite attractive or at least has an eating disorder, and has very few available hours with which to cling and bitch and nag. Quite ideal, no?

Girls in banking are like wilted flowers. They were once vibrant, intelligent, and full of energy. They once dominated their peers in school and were part of the most elite social circles. Now, they are drones devoid of self-confidence and social nothings. This, while tragic, is a very favorable turn of events for you. Flex your own security while making them feel good about their sorry existences, and the Thomas Pink panties will be all yours.